1. Lighting: Embrace the Terrible
* Instead of Golden Hour: Aim for the harshest midday sun possible. Position yourself so you're squinting directly into it. Bonus points for creating dramatic, unflattering shadows under your eyes and nose.
* Instead of Soft Diffused Light: Shoot in a dimly lit room with a single harsh fluorescent bulb above you. The sickly greenish-yellow cast will do wonders for your complexion.
* Instead of Using a Reflector: Stand in front of a busy, reflective surface like a mirrored wall covered in clutter. This way, the viewer will be too distracted to notice your face.
2. Composition: Chaos is Key
* Instead of the Rule of Thirds: Center yourself awkwardly, leaving vast empty spaces around you that don't add anything to the image. Or, cram yourself so tightly into the frame that your face is practically touching the edges.
* Instead of Considering the Background: Make sure your background is as cluttered and distracting as possible. Dirty laundry, overflowing trash cans, or a pile of mismatched furniture are all excellent choices.
* Instead of Leading Lines: Block the view with large objects in the foreground.
* Instead of Removing Distractions: Walk into a shopping centre.
3. Posing: Awkwardness Amplified
* Instead of Relaxed and Natural: Force an unnatural smile that doesn't reach your eyes. Or, strike a pose that's clearly trying too hard to be "cool."
* Instead of Finding Your Best Angle: Choose your *worst* angle. Tilt your head in a way that accentuates any perceived flaws.
* Instead of Being Authentic: Hide your hands away in pockets and forget what they do.
* Instead of Knowing Your Body: Make sure to have odd body shapes, use unflattering lighting and don't be aware of how that is coming across.
* Instead of Looking Confident: Look directly away from the camera and act self conscious.
4. Technical Fumbles: Maximum Blur
* Instead of Using a Tripod: Balance your phone precariously on a stack of books or a wobbly chair. This will ensure a blurry photo due to movement.
* Instead of Setting Focus: Don't bother checking the focus. Let the camera focus on whatever is behind you, leaving your face slightly (or drastically) out of focus.
* Instead of Checking Your Settings: Shoot with whatever default settings your camera has. Overexposure? Underexposure? It's all part of the "artistic" effect.
* Instead of Using the Highest Resolution: Shoot in a low resolution. When you zoom, it'll be pixelated.
* Instead of Holding Still: Don't hold still. Let the camera exposure timer run and start dancing!
5. The Self-Timer Race: Fail to Plan
* Instead of Practicing Your Pose: Wing it! Start running towards the camera without a clear idea of what you're going to do. Guaranteed awkwardness.
* Instead of Setting a Long Enough Timer: Set the timer for the shortest possible duration. This will capture you in a frantic sprint towards the camera, looking panicked and out of breath.
* Instead of Framing Your Shot: Have the camera pointed a little too high or too low. Cut off half your head or make it look like you have a giant forehead.
* Instead of Thinking About the Pose: Start thinking about the pose once you are there, then run back and start again.
6. Editing: Overdo It!
* Instead of Subtle Enhancements: Crank up the contrast and saturation to unrealistic levels. Use a filter that makes your skin look orange and plastic.
* Instead of Removing Blemishes Sparingly: Smooth your skin so much that you look like a wax figure. Erase all signs of life and character from your face.
* Instead of Cropping to Improve Composition: Don't crop at all! Leave in all the distracting elements.
* Instead of Having Consistent Edits: Constantly change the edits between pictures.
The Ultimate Goal: A photo so bad, it's good... or at least hilariously bad. Remember to share your disastrous results with friends and family for a good laugh (at your expense, of course). Good luck... or bad luck, depending on your perspective!