The "Don'ts" - Guaranteed Ways to Ruin Your Self-Timer Portrait:
1. Don't Plan at All: Just set the timer, run into the frame, and hope for the best. No thought about composition, lighting, background, or pose. Blind faith is your guiding principle.
2. Don't Check Your Settings: Leave your camera on automatic everything. Forget about aperture, ISO, white balance. Trust the camera to magically know exactly what you want, even though you haven't told it. Let it decide what is in focus, even if it's the tree behind you.
3. Don't Consider the Background: Pick the most distracting background possible. A busy street, an overflowing trash can, a construction site – the more chaos, the better. Make sure there are random people walking in the background at awkward moments.
4. Don't Test Your Focus: Don't bother pre-focusing on where you'll be standing. Instead, let the autofocus hunt around frantically while you're trying to strike a pose. Blurry is the new chic.
5. Don't Practice Your Pose: Just assume you'll nail the perfect pose on the first try. No need to rehearse or experiment with different angles. Awkwardly crossed arms, a forced smile, and a strange head tilt are always a winning combination.
6. Don't Think About Lighting: Ignore the sun. If it's directly behind you, great! A silhouette is always artistic. Or choose a location with mixed lighting - shadows and bright spots.
7. Don't Use a Tripod (or a Stable Surface): Prop your camera precariously on a stack of books or a wobbly chair. A blurry, tilted photo is full of character.
8. Don't Check Your Frame: Cut off your head, arms, or legs. Leave tons of empty space above your head or crop in so close that you can count every pore.
9. Don't Look at the Lens: Stare off into the distance, at your feet, or at something completely random. Eye contact is overrated.
10. Don't Smile Naturally: Force the biggest, cheesiest grin you can muster. Alternatively, scowl intensely. Authenticity is for suckers.
11. Don't Dress Appropriately: Wear something completely out of place for the setting. Formal wear in a muddy field, or your pajamas at a fancy restaurant, because contrast is everything.
12. Don't Think About Composition: Position yourself dead center in the frame. Rule of thirds? Never heard of it. Keep the horizon line in the middle of the image too.
13. Don't Use Props Thoughtfully: Grab random objects and hold them awkwardly. A garden gnome, a rubber chicken, a half-eaten sandwich. The stranger, the better.
14. Don't Review Your Photos: After taking one or two shots, assume you've nailed it. No need to check for blinks, weird expressions, or technical flaws. Post it immediately!
15. Don't Clean Your Lens: Let smudges and dust create a dreamy, ethereal effect. A dirty lens is a lens with character.
The Humor is the Lesson!
The point of all this is to highlight the common mistakes people make when taking self-timer portraits. By consciously avoiding these "don'ts," you'll be well on your way to capturing amazing self-portraits!
To take *good* self-timer portraits, do the exact opposite of everything listed above. Plan, check settings, consider your background and lighting, practice your poses, and review your photos. Good luck!